Stop perceiving me!
Instagram updates, Rousseau, and a yellow sundress
In some corporate meeting, Meta executives sat down to brainstorm their next big move for Instagram. What could it be, removing the influx of ads from their users’ feeds? No, that would be too much improvement for the user experience. How about allowing users to see who unfollowed them? Again, no, that’s actually what people want.
Oh! I know just the idea that will degrade our users’ mental health even further while simultaneously increasing our advertising potential! Hear me out – make “shares” as visible as likes and comments on Instagram posts. Everyone can see exactly how many times their post was sent to others, so influencers can leverage this metric for brand deals and the average Joe can spiral about how many people are sh*t talking them. The perfect combination of a TikTok dupe and a tactic to make people more insecure. Chef’s kiss.
Obviously this was not a real conversation held in Meta’s corporate headquarters (allegedly), but with each change to these social media apps, I can’t help but feel like these companies are prioritizing ad dollars over user experience. Social media apps are now morphing into marketing utopias more useful for influencers than regular people. This progression isn’t new, but the latest update strikes a sensitive nerve because it is just another component added to the insecurity cesspool that is Instagram.
In 2021, Instagram made strides to improve its users’ mental health by enabling accounts to hide the “like” count on their posts. Instagram added this option because many studies proved that the amount of likes one received was linked to emotional distress. With the update, people could opt out of that particular status symbol, thus taking some of the pressure off of posting. However, I think that this new “shares” update reverses much of that improvement.
Shares are a tricky thing because on one hand somebody could be sharing your post because they thought it was funny, or for outfit inspo. On the other hand, somebody could be sending your post to a group chat in order to roast you. The poster has no clue about whether a given share is positive or negative, leading to the aforementioned spiral.
This feature has been available on TikTok and Reels for a while. But, to me, there is a stark difference between the user who posts a photo on Instagram once in a blue moon and someone who posts video content regularly. Reels indicate influencer, while grid posts indicate normie. And normies should not be subjected to a statistic that makes them anxiously draw conclusions about how many people are talking about them.
At its core, this update is just another way to become more aware of how you and your online persona are being judged by viewers. Likes and comments at least give positive validation (well, most of the time). Shares more often than not foster paranoia and anxiety.
One of the most commonly given pieces of advice given to neurotic girls is to not care about what others think of you. Stay unbothered queen! But it is near impossible in this day and age to remain unbothered when others' opinions and lives are being shoved in your face all the time on a screen. Shares are just another manifestation of others’ opinions of you, but they are the ones shared behind your back.
Technology makes us so much more interconnected, which has been great for communication, but at the same time makes everyone’s judgments feel more present and apparent. People are watching you even when you are physically alone. It is exhausting to be perceived all of the time.
Last semester in my Political Philosophy class, we learned about Rousseau’s concept “amour propre.” The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy defines this term as “the need to be recognized by others as having value and to be treated with respect central to the felt interests of each human being.” While this trait seems normal to us, Rousseau actually views amour propre as the source of all evil.
The short of his revolutionary idea is that in the state of nature, human beings were solitary, primal animals. They lived on their own and simply fulfilled their biological needs. That was until one day humans, by chance, started congregating together and building societies. With society comes an awareness of those around you. You notice who sings the best, who catches the most game, who is the fastest. That awareness of others leads you to feel amour propre, the desire to be esteemed by others, and from then on you are chasing other people’s validation. You do selfish acts or sabotage others all in the pursuit of appearing to be the best. Civilization goes downhill unless this feeling can be limited or channeled into something productive.
Before some philosopher fact-checks me, I never claimed to be an expert in social contract theory. My knowledge comes from one intro class and I’m sure there are some gaps in my retelling. Regardless, even amidst the dense pages of Rousseau, this concept really resonated with me because it felt so applicable to modern life. Instagram is amour propre on steroids, and I think if Rousseau found out what social media was he literally would have had a stroke.
Social media is all about highlight reels. When posting, you are showing off your beauty, wealth, fruitful relationships, and/or your enviable position in society to your followers. No matter what people may say, nobody is posting thirst traps intrinsically for themselves. It is all to earn the esteem of others, to prove to your community that you are the best, the hottest, the smartest, the coolest, etc.
The thing is, almost all of social media is a performance of amour propre. You are showing to others how esteemable your life is. When I was accepted to Duke, I was obviously elated to be able to attend my dream school for the academics and opportunities and whatever. But, a small, sick part of me was so excited to immediately update my Instagram bio with “Duke ‘27.” I was happy that I could prove to others how smart and capable I was with this label plastered on my social media. This is embarrassing to admit, but it is the truth.
As in Rousseau’s theory, society inevitably leads to people trying to prove themselves to others. Although, social media magnifies amour propre in a remarkably terrible way. With an Instagram profile you have the ability to portray only the good parts of your life to your followers. As you maintain this profile, with each post you get more and more sucked into thinking about how others will perceive you and your accomplishments. That heightened sense of others’ awareness of your actions leaches into the physical world, where young people are increasingly more self-critical, narcissistic, and hypervigilant about how they appear to others.
One of my Dad’s timeless sayings is to ask people questions because they love talking about themselves. I guess that points to the universal fact that people are inherently somewhat self-absorbed. Nevertheless, I believe that social media has drastically increased the amount that we believe other people are thinking about us.
For example, I often have this internal debate when I am figuring out what to wear to class. “Hmm, I can’t wear this yellow sundress today because everyone will know that I wore it two weeks ago.” NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION OR CARES ABOUT WHAT I WORE TWO WEEKS AGO! The narcissistic mindset that social media seeds tricks us into believing that everybody is keeping tabs on us all of the time. Everyone is noticing our triumphs and our mistakes. In reality, everybody is just obsessed with themselves.
Even when socializing without phones, the omnipresent amour propre permeates social environments. I feel like when I am having a night out with my friends, our behavior is toned down a bit by the concern of how we are being perceived by others. People may be more self-conscious to dance, to do something silly, or to just have good-natured fun because they don’t want to seem “weird.”
This phenomenon coincides with what many millennials have dubbed the end of clubbing culture. With the advent of social media, teens are not as wild as they used to be, for fear that one bad moment can be captured by a phone. Our ever present self-awareness prevents us from truly letting loose and being carefree. Or, if you were lucky to let loose on a night out, the crippling hang-xiety the next morning makes you freak out about how you appeared to others the night before. This type of perception is stifling.
To tie all of this back to the new Instagram update, I loathe the fact that we will now have another social media metric at our fingertips to become even more engrossed in amour propre. Shares are a quantifiable way to know that some people were talking about you, whether it was good, bad, or somewhere in between. And if you know people are talking, you can’t help but ponder what they are saying.
However, like usual, there is a relatively simple coping strategy: just touch some grass. Limit social media use, don’t let yourself spiral about shares, delete the apps. While most of Gen Z likely does not want to go off the grid, simply reducing the time spent on Instagram and other social media will make a difference. And if you feel that spiral approaching, go exercise or journal or do whatever you need to do in order to ground yourself.
I think the most important thing to remember in order to navigate this digitally-driven world is that nobody is thinking about us as much as we think they are; everybody is thinking about themselves instead. And even if you are talked about for one second, life changes so quickly that people immediately move on to the next. Take comfort in the fact that people are self absorbed. I know I do when I have a social blunder at least three times a day.
Trying to stay unbothered is in for 2024, and being consumed with Instagram shares is out. It’s in the Pause The Scroll rule book, you heard it here first.